| | | Marine Position Registration |  |
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| Author | Message |
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Raizo
Position : Rear Admiral
Posts : 20
 |  Subject: Re: Marine Position Registration Sun Sep 25, 2016 1:47 am | |
| Crew: Marines Position: Rear Admiral Tier: F Rank (Frank!) Activity: I should be pretty active now that i'm no longer in school. I've been able to get on either this account or Radley. Why: Out of Character I'd kind of like to see some more Marine activity. As it stands right now there are only a small few of the Marine faction that are relatively active. Honestly I feel at kind a disadvantage being both the minority group and being under leveled. I would like to be able to hold my own, but still have room for character growth and progress, that's why I'm going for the Rear Admiral position. That way I have some experience and strength about me, while still having goals to work towards. If that makes sense. Sample: - Here we Go:
Raizo yawned as he walked down the cobbled path of the beach island he had decided to stay at. "The Red Palm" had been ordered to take some time off after a successful bust of a weapon smuggling gang. He was told he was "spending too much time on work", but he didn't quite get what they were talking about. If they knew the time he spent training, they might think otherwise. However orders were orders, so there he was.
Raizo's steps snapped as his flipflops smacked against his feet with each step through the town's market place. He was on his way down to the coast where some locals told him was a really good bar with a mixed drink that was exclusive to the island. He was looking forward to the experience of trying the new drink and hitting the beach. The though of drinking on the beach brought a content smile to Raizo's face as he found himself stepping out from the market area and now facing the coast. "Now what was it that they said..." Raizo paused in thought. " Right... or left." he said looking down each way. "Mmmmmm" He mused over the thought of which direction was the right one from the directions. The red haired swordsman inhaled closing his eyes and then exhaled opening them. " Alright, I'll go left!" He proclaimed and then turned to go left.
Raizo pursed his lips as he looked at the buildings around him, none seemed to resemble the bar that he'd been told about. "Shhhhhit, this doesn't seem right." Raizo said looking around." I guess I was supposed to go right after all." he said. "At least I just have to go the other way." Raizo's voice trailed off as he turned around to see criss-crossing alleyways behind him. "Uhh, huh. I guess I really got lost this time." he said. " I guess i'll have to use that." He said as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His surroundings slowly blurred into focus and he was able to make out which way would take him back to the coast. Backtracking his aura trail to where he had made the wrong turn, he picked up from there and walked in what he hoped was the correct direction.
This time the red haired swordsman was on the right track this time, eventually he found the bar that he had been told of. Though by this time it was just about the time of sunset, but he got his drink. Just as he was heading towards the beach a cannon blast echoed from off the nearby water as a cannon ball whistled overhead and collided with some town buildings. Raizo looked towards the ship that the cannon blast originated from, atop it's mast waved a jolly roger. The beach before the ship was teeming with pirates. A man with spotty beard and a reddened nose. "Alright Crew, let's take this island for our own personal paradise!" The man said. " make yourselves at home at Burn Beard's new base!" Raizo groaned as he looked away from the invasion to his drink he'd just gotten. He frowned and sighed. Even if he was supposed to be on vacation, as a Marine he had a personal duty to do something about these pirates. Raizo looked from his drink back towards the beach with a narrowed glare.
Raizo reached up to his Branch and drew a Twig from the case. He set his foot on the sand of the beach and walked towards the oncoming wave of invading pirates. " In the name of the Marines and my vacation, you should turn back and leave so I don't have to arrest you." Raizo wasn't sure if it was his casual laid back style of of dress, or the fact that he was challenging all of them with a bamboo sword, but the whole lot of pirates gave a hearty chuckle at Raizo's most recent statement. Raizo let out a sigh as he pointed the tip of his Shinai towards the captain at the shore of the beach. "I'm not a fan of disobeying orders." he said walking towards the oncoming wave of pirates. "but given the situation I hope they'll make an exception." he continued, now walking on the other side of the wave, pointing the tip of his Shinai at the Burn Beard captain. The captain's eyes went wide "Ho-How did you- When did you get past all them!?" The captain stammered. "Oh?" Raizo said looking over from taking a drink of the drink still in hand. " you didn't see?" he asked. "Just now." Raizo stated taking a swig of his drink as a massive cloud of sand kicked up behind Raizo. As the dust settled the once charging pirates laid clutching various parts of their bodies. "Now." Raizo said narrowing his amber eyes on the Burn Beard captain." Shall we discuss your surrender and the community service your crew will be doing to repair the damage you've caused? Or do you still intend on trying to take over this island?"
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|  | | Silvers
Position : -
Berries : 800,000
Posts : 279
Skill Sheet
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| | Subject: Re: Marine Position Registration Sun Sep 25, 2016 11:51 am | |
| - Raizo wrote:
- Crew: Marines
Position: Rear Admiral
Tier: F Rank (Frank!)
Activity: I should be pretty active now that i'm no longer in school. I've been able to get on either this account or Radley.
Why: Out of Character I'd kind of like to see some more Marine activity. As it stands right now there are only a small few of the Marine faction that are relatively active. Honestly I feel at kind a disadvantage being both the minority group and being under leveled. I would like to be able to hold my own, but still have room for character growth and progress, that's why I'm going for the Rear Admiral position. That way I have some experience and strength about me, while still having goals to work towards. If that makes sense.
Sample:
- Here we Go:
Raizo yawned as he walked down the cobbled path of the beach island he had decided to stay at. "The Red Palm" had been ordered to take some time off after a successful bust of a weapon smuggling gang. He was told he was "spending too much time on work", but he didn't quite get what they were talking about. If they knew the time he spent training, they might think otherwise. However orders were orders, so there he was.
Raizo's steps snapped as his flipflops smacked against his feet with each step through the town's market place. He was on his way down to the coast where some locals told him was a really good bar with a mixed drink that was exclusive to the island. He was looking forward to the experience of trying the new drink and hitting the beach. The though of drinking on the beach brought a content smile to Raizo's face as he found himself stepping out from the market area and now facing the coast. "Now what was it that they said..." Raizo paused in thought. " Right... or left." he said looking down each way. "Mmmmmm" He mused over the thought of which direction was the right one from the directions. The red haired swordsman inhaled closing his eyes and then exhaled opening them. " Alright, I'll go left!" He proclaimed and then turned to go left.
Raizo pursed his lips as he looked at the buildings around him, none seemed to resemble the bar that he'd been told about. "Shhhhhit, this doesn't seem right." Raizo said looking around." I guess I was supposed to go right after all." he said. "At least I just have to go the other way." Raizo's voice trailed off as he turned around to see criss-crossing alleyways behind him. "Uhh, huh. I guess I really got lost this time." he said. " I guess i'll have to use that." He said as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His surroundings slowly blurred into focus and he was able to make out which way would take him back to the coast. Backtracking his aura trail to where he had made the wrong turn, he picked up from there and walked in what he hoped was the correct direction.
This time the red haired swordsman was on the right track this time, eventually he found the bar that he had been told of. Though by this time it was just about the time of sunset, but he got his drink. Just as he was heading towards the beach a cannon blast echoed from off the nearby water as a cannon ball whistled overhead and collided with some town buildings. Raizo looked towards the ship that the cannon blast originated from, atop it's mast waved a jolly roger. The beach before the ship was teeming with pirates. A man with spotty beard and a reddened nose. "Alright Crew, let's take this island for our own personal paradise!" The man said. " make yourselves at home at Burn Beard's new base!" Raizo groaned as he looked away from the invasion to his drink he'd just gotten. He frowned and sighed. Even if he was supposed to be on vacation, as a Marine he had a personal duty to do something about these pirates. Raizo looked from his drink back towards the beach with a narrowed glare.
Raizo reached up to his Branch and drew a Twig from the case. He set his foot on the sand of the beach and walked towards the oncoming wave of invading pirates. " In the name of the Marines and my vacation, you should turn back and leave so I don't have to arrest you." Raizo wasn't sure if it was his casual laid back style of of dress, or the fact that he was challenging all of them with a bamboo sword, but the whole lot of pirates gave a hearty chuckle at Raizo's most recent statement. Raizo let out a sigh as he pointed the tip of his Shinai towards the captain at the shore of the beach. "I'm not a fan of disobeying orders." he said walking towards the oncoming wave of pirates. "but given the situation I hope they'll make an exception." he continued, now walking on the other side of the wave, pointing the tip of his Shinai at the Burn Beard captain. The captain's eyes went wide "Ho-How did you- When did you get past all them!?" The captain stammered. "Oh?" Raizo said looking over from taking a drink of the drink still in hand. " you didn't see?" he asked. "Just now." Raizo stated taking a swig of his drink as a massive cloud of sand kicked up behind Raizo. As the dust settled the once charging pirates laid clutching various parts of their bodies. "Now." Raizo said narrowing his amber eyes on the Burn Beard captain." Shall we discuss your surrender and the community service your crew will be doing to repair the damage you've caused? Or do you still intend on trying to take over this island?"
Would've honestly liked to see more of your character's personality from this sample and as such, that was the only hampering factor for me. I see potential however so onto the good part! Rear Admiral Awarded Level 21 Awarded +3000 Exp. Reputation 100,000,0000 | |
| | | | Raizo
Position : Rear Admiral
Posts : 20
| | Subject: Re: Marine Position Registration Sun Sep 25, 2016 2:33 pm | |
| - Silvers wrote:
- Raizo wrote:
- Crew: Marines
Position: Rear Admiral
Tier: F Rank (Frank!)
Activity: I should be pretty active now that i'm no longer in school. I've been able to get on either this account or Radley.
Why: Out of Character I'd kind of like to see some more Marine activity. As it stands right now there are only a small few of the Marine faction that are relatively active. Honestly I feel at kind a disadvantage being both the minority group and being under leveled. I would like to be able to hold my own, but still have room for character growth and progress, that's why I'm going for the Rear Admiral position. That way I have some experience and strength about me, while still having goals to work towards. If that makes sense.
Sample:
- Here we Go:
Raizo yawned as he walked down the cobbled path of the beach island he had decided to stay at. "The Red Palm" had been ordered to take some time off after a successful bust of a weapon smuggling gang. He was told he was "spending too much time on work", but he didn't quite get what they were talking about. If they knew the time he spent training, they might think otherwise. However orders were orders, so there he was.
Raizo's steps snapped as his flipflops smacked against his feet with each step through the town's market place. He was on his way down to the coast where some locals told him was a really good bar with a mixed drink that was exclusive to the island. He was looking forward to the experience of trying the new drink and hitting the beach. The though of drinking on the beach brought a content smile to Raizo's face as he found himself stepping out from the market area and now facing the coast. "Now what was it that they said..." Raizo paused in thought. " Right... or left." he said looking down each way. "Mmmmmm" He mused over the thought of which direction was the right one from the directions. The red haired swordsman inhaled closing his eyes and then exhaled opening them. " Alright, I'll go left!" He proclaimed and then turned to go left.
Raizo pursed his lips as he looked at the buildings around him, none seemed to resemble the bar that he'd been told about. "Shhhhhit, this doesn't seem right." Raizo said looking around." I guess I was supposed to go right after all." he said. "At least I just have to go the other way." Raizo's voice trailed off as he turned around to see criss-crossing alleyways behind him. "Uhh, huh. I guess I really got lost this time." he said. " I guess i'll have to use that." He said as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His surroundings slowly blurred into focus and he was able to make out which way would take him back to the coast. Backtracking his aura trail to where he had made the wrong turn, he picked up from there and walked in what he hoped was the correct direction.
This time the red haired swordsman was on the right track this time, eventually he found the bar that he had been told of. Though by this time it was just about the time of sunset, but he got his drink. Just as he was heading towards the beach a cannon blast echoed from off the nearby water as a cannon ball whistled overhead and collided with some town buildings. Raizo looked towards the ship that the cannon blast originated from, atop it's mast waved a jolly roger. The beach before the ship was teeming with pirates. A man with spotty beard and a reddened nose. "Alright Crew, let's take this island for our own personal paradise!" The man said. " make yourselves at home at Burn Beard's new base!" Raizo groaned as he looked away from the invasion to his drink he'd just gotten. He frowned and sighed. Even if he was supposed to be on vacation, as a Marine he had a personal duty to do something about these pirates. Raizo looked from his drink back towards the beach with a narrowed glare.
Raizo reached up to his Branch and drew a Twig from the case. He set his foot on the sand of the beach and walked towards the oncoming wave of invading pirates. " In the name of the Marines and my vacation, you should turn back and leave so I don't have to arrest you." Raizo wasn't sure if it was his casual laid back style of of dress, or the fact that he was challenging all of them with a bamboo sword, but the whole lot of pirates gave a hearty chuckle at Raizo's most recent statement. Raizo let out a sigh as he pointed the tip of his Shinai towards the captain at the shore of the beach. "I'm not a fan of disobeying orders." he said walking towards the oncoming wave of pirates. "but given the situation I hope they'll make an exception." he continued, now walking on the other side of the wave, pointing the tip of his Shinai at the Burn Beard captain. The captain's eyes went wide "Ho-How did you- When did you get past all them!?" The captain stammered. "Oh?" Raizo said looking over from taking a drink of the drink still in hand. " you didn't see?" he asked. "Just now." Raizo stated taking a swig of his drink as a massive cloud of sand kicked up behind Raizo. As the dust settled the once charging pirates laid clutching various parts of their bodies. "Now." Raizo said narrowing his amber eyes on the Burn Beard captain." Shall we discuss your surrender and the community service your crew will be doing to repair the damage you've caused? Or do you still intend on trying to take over this island?"
Would've honestly liked to see more of your character's personality from this sample and as such, that was the only hampering factor for me. I see potential however so onto the good part!
Rear Admiral Awarded
Level 21 Awarded
+3000 Exp.
Reputation 100,000,0000 I'll see what I can do for the future, as I'm still kind of getting back into writing from being away. Thank you for the approval. | |
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